A mess

... of unstable, fluctuating hormones.

I'm generally a cool person. i dont get fazed too easily (unless it has something to do with public speaking) and not really the type to cry at movies or go after people who cut queues with a parang hehehe.

But lately as i find myself inching nearer and nearer to the big five-oh, i seem to be turning ridiculously sappy & emotional. case in point, the morning that my son was to leave home for his first job; which was yesterday.

The day started with my usual aerobic session at the dataran. everything was fine and even though i was still going about with a racking cough, i felt energised because i was breaking in a pair of new shoes. yup i finally bought myself another adistar (but i'm still not sure if i should've gotten the 4 1/2 instead of 4).

And sometimes i wonder if my coughs are partly psychological because how come i wasnt coughing so much while i was jumping about?

Anyway, after a great sweat-out i went to the wet market and started buying stuff that my son liked ... lunch was going to be all his favourite dishes: ayam masak kicap with lots of button mushroom, fried tempe, sambal sotong with a generous dose of petai and salad (he's trying to lose weight so the salad was there to sorta balance it out a bit hehehe).

To be honest, i was already feeling these little tugs at my heartstring but i just ignored it. it got stronger when i was at home cooking & cleaning.. but the dam went and burst itself when i went thru his checklist one more time to make sure he didnt leave anything behind.

The poor guy was still sleeping when i started bawling my head off and hugging him like my life depended on it. i made such a ruckus that you could probably have heard me right to the end of the street.

I cant really explain it but my baby was going out into the world and i wouldnt be there to protect him anymore. he would be without his family and group of caring & very supportive friends.. instead, he would be in a strange place with strange people and they didnt know him like we do - that even though he looked like a big & strong 'macho man', he was also a clumsy, forgetful, lovable idiot who's too trusting for his own good and really cares about the people around him.

Lord please keep him safe & loved.

Sheesh i'm getting all worked up again.. even though the kiddoes have gotten used to mama waaaaa-ing her head off (thoughts of the golfman also triggers me off lol), i dont think my officemates are ready for it though.. they'd proably think i've been abducted and an alien has taken over my body -_-'