Rejab 1434

أستَغْفِرُ اللهَ العَظِيمَ الَّذِي لاَ إِلهَ إِلاَّ هُوَ الحَيُّ القَيُّومُ وأَتُوبُ إِليه

I seek the forgiveness of Allah, the Most Great, besides Who there is no god; the Living, the Sustainer, and I repent to Him.

Among the months, Rajab is the month of seeking forgiveness. Al-Daylami narrates on the authority of `Ali bin Abi Talib (may Allah ennoble him) that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said: “Seek much forgiveness (from Allah) in Rajab because in every hour (of the month) Allah frees people from the Fire.” When the month entered the Prophet would say, as Anas narrates:

اللَّهُمَّ بَارِكْ لَنَا في رَجَبٍ وَ شَعْبَانَ وَ بَلِّغْنا رَمَضَانَ

“O Allah, bless us in Rajab and Sha`bān and enable us to reach Ramadān!”⁴

It is a blessed month, may Allah bless us and the Ummah in it. In the times of Jahiliyyah the noise of battle would not be heard in this month. This was due to the veneration that people had for the month, even though they were polytheists. Allah revealed concerning this month: They ask you about the sacred month – fighting therein. Say: fighting therein is a grave offence.⁵

Look at the state the Ummah has reached today. Some Muslims have actually declared war in the month of Rajab, not on the disbelievers, but on each other. Some have travelled around spilling the blood of their brothers. Look how far the Ummah has sunk when it has left the Guidance of Allah and His Messenger and surrendered its reins to corrupt people; to disbelievers; to people deceived by their own philosophies!

Our Master said: “Repent to Allah for truly I repent to Allah in every day and night seventy (or one hundred) times.” Allah says in the Hadith Qudsi: “O son of Adam, if your sins were so numerous that they reached the heavens and then you sought My forgiveness I would forgive you and it is nothing to Me.”

If someone allows Rajab to enter and they have no concern for their wrongdoings, then they do not truly possess taqwa. The believer sees his sins as a mountain towering over him which he fears will fall upon his head, whereas the hypocrite sees his sins as a fly which lands on his nose which he brushes away with his hand. One of the Followers was told that a group of people were talking about something which did not concern them. He said: “If they were concerned with their own wrongdoings, they would not have talked about that subject.”

Seek forgiveness in abundance and seek to unite people’s hearts. Beware of provoking hatred, or tale bearing, for “among the worst slaves of Allah are those that constantly bear tales, those that cause division between those that love each other.” Choose words that unite people: Say to My slaves that they should only say those things that are best, for the Devil sows dissension among them.⁶

Attempt to fast in this month. `Ali bin Muhammad al-Rabi` narrates from a chain of narrators most of whom are reliable that one of the Followers asked one of the Companions: “Did the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) fast in Rajab?”

He replied: “Yes, and he would ennoble it.” He would ennoble and honour the month by fasting in it. May Allah awaken our hearts!

Prepare for the first night of Rajab. He said (may Allah bless him and grant him peace): “There are five nights on which du`ā’ is not rejected: the first night of Rajab, the fifteenth night of Sha`bān, Thursday night, the night before `Eid al-Fitr and the night before `Eid al-Nahr (al-Adha).”⁷ Sayyiduna `Ali would spend this night in worship.

May Allah purify our hearts and enable us to take advantage of the time that we have left in this life.

(link - http://abdulkarimyahya.com/2012/05/20/lesson-returning-to-allah-in-repentance-in-rajab/)

A reminder.

Milestone.

It gets lonelier as you grow older.  it really does.  and its not so much about being alone per se, you can surround yourself with a sea of people but you start feeling more an observer than an active participant. you start listening more, internalising more, pondering more.  sad to say you also come to the realisation that people young or old dont really give a rats ass about what you have to say, unless they specifically come to you for advice.  and half of them just seem to be interested in ranting and raving and complaining all the time.

And you suddenly find yourself becoming slow in almost everything you do,  not just slow but in absolute slow mo, the moment to moment kind.  for someone who goes through her days in high gear thats a pretty hard thing to swallow believe me.  not to mention the times that even a million bucks cant get you to recall a certain info or memory, the more you push the more elusive it becomes.  which all culminates into making you feel frustratingly clumsy & crushingly stupid.

Serabut.  semak.  senak.  and to be honest, frightening.

Oh you're saying get a grip woman, everyone grows old and they die, that death stares us in the face all the time but whats scaring the shit outta me is the possibility of a long but useless life.  use-less, as in meaningless, as in not contributing.  worse still if i start becoming a liability... to myself, to the ones i love, to society.

And still clueless at 50 isnt a good sign. nope not good at all.

Hadoi.

Its not about the kids. i've done what i can, now they are all grown and are answerable to their own actions. its not about the spouse.  he's going through his own turbulent midlife passage and unfortunately, is in no position to help me with my problems.  its about me.  about how best i maneuver the final phase of my life as a woman and keeping my dignity, my composure, my self-worth in the process.

I so need a spiritual upgrade.

Cycling Diary - Tg Sepat 14/04/2013

Diari Kayuh Seorang Macik

Oleh kerana minda macik sbelum ni diasak kaw2 oleh kebimbangan, kerisauan & kefening lalat-an mengenai FM sulung macik sehingga tiada ruang untuk perkara lain, aktiviti kayuh macik pun telah melalui detik2 kegersangan yang teramat.  punya la lama tak kayuh macik sampai terasa gayat bila kerabat naek beskal macik yang telah pun mula menunjukkan tanda2 akan berkulat jika keadaan dibiarkan berlarutan.

Bila geng kayuh macik ngajak macik join diorang training ke morib, timbul pulak kebimbangan baru setelah sekian lama tidak beraksi  - eh, bole ker aku ngayuh lagi nih??!!  dek kerana dah mula terasa jugak la gatal2 bontot tapak kaki, macik mengambil keputusan untuk hantam saja la hehehehe.

Servis beskal sbelum kayuh @ Wheelsman Bicycle S13

Kayuhan bermula dari MBSA kota kemuning dan dari seawal pagi lagi dah ramai geng macik yang berkumpul disitu.   halfway there macik dah perasan macik terlupa nak bawak spec mata namun macik teruskan jugak sbb takut melambat2kan kengkawan kalau macik patah balik..... tapi nak jadikan cerita (dan bahan), macik bukan saja terlupa spec rupa2nya kasut pun macik terlupa!!!!!!!!

Terlupa kasut... hantam saja la labu he3

Yang lebih penting, helmet ada so kayuhan masih ON.  selepas smua dah bersedia dan doa selamat dibacakan kami pun memulakan la rombongan 'mcm2 ada' kami (tua, muda, besar, kecik, lelaki, pompuan, berdesup, menyiput, mtb, rb).

Rombongan MKCT & rakan2

Doa sbelum kayuhan

Barisan mak dara & anak2 dara

At the start macik dah mula cuak sebab awal2 lagi dah mula nak terasa bunga2 pancit-us,  namun after the first checkpoint enjin tua macik mula terasa panas dan kayuhan menjadi semakin lancar.  opkos macik tak terkejor depa yang berdesup desap di depan but at least i managed not to slide below 25km/h dijalan yang tidak berbukit dan berliku.

Pada awalnya kayuhan dijangka hanya ke morib namun cuaca yang terterusan marbeles menggalakkan geng macik untuk meneruskan perjalanan hingga ke tanjung sepat.  after all dah alang2, macik pun layan jela.   

The Pitstops 

- bila riders dah berkumpul ramai2 maka banyak la cerita dan ragamnya... yang hyper, yang santai, yang sihat, yang senak, yang mabuk, yang memulas, macam2.  maka demi menjaga kesejahteraan semua, banyak la pitstop dan regrouping yang diadakan.  keadaan sebegini is part and parcel of group cycling, unless of course objective kayuhan semata-mata training yg khusus utk sesuatu event. maka focus sememangnya tertumpu pada speed & timing.

Catching up with the latest news..

Regrouping

Episod Pancit.

- seperti biasa dimana ada kayuhan disitu la akan ada tayar2 yang pancit sesuka hati.  ini juga diantara sebab2 yang mengharuskan ciclista membawa bersama tube spare dan mini pump.  walaupun leceh namun ianya satu keperluaan unless you dont mind carrying ur bike to the nearest kedai beskal hehehehe.

Pancit sana..

Pancit sini..

Sessi makan2 plus sightseeing

- dah penat kayuh apa lagi, refuelling la pulak.  dan bila tenaga dah banyak digunakan maka banyak la perlu diganti hehehehe.  ni la yang macik katakan dulu, kalau macik running mesti tak lalu makan tapi kalau kayuh gerek lapo memanjang.  ni la yang macik risaukan ni...sah skarang macik dah semakin gomuks ish ish.

Makan time

Selepas selesai makan geng kayuh kami si ben & eddie telah mengheret memnbawa kami melawat kawasan terdekat sehingga la ke hujung jeti.  terperanjat gak la penduduk tempatan bila jeti yang sebegitu sempit di sesakkan dengan kehadiran musang2 dan rakan2 hehehe.

Macik sakura

Ann trying her hand at errrr, not sure what he3

Jetty Tanjung Sepat

Jamming up the jetty lol

Time to head for home

- dah pusing2 semahunya maka kena la bersedia utk pulang.  alhamdulillah cuaca baik masih bertahan dan dengan perut yang masih penuh, kami berkayuh balik ke kota kemuning, ada yang masih mampu berdesup desap namun ramai juga yang dah semakin seloow melooow.  alhamdulillah walaupun dengan adanya 2 support car yang terbaek di pasaran (kudos to zaman & pie) pengayuh2 tegar masih bertahan dan tiada yang kecundang naek support car.  and by 4.30pm everyone made it back to kota kemuning safe & sound.  All in all,  rombongan mkct & rakan2 ke tanjung sepat sgt berjaya :)

Headcount..

Long ride back

Nothing beats the airconditioning @ petronas

Kayuh macik kayuh

Finally back @ kota kemuning

Detail Kayuhan:

Total distance - 132km

Total Time - about 8 hours (termasuk checkpoints, breaks and kes2 tayar pancit sana sini)
Weather - cuaca yg redup dan breezy di sepanjang jalan.
Route - MBSA Kota Kemuning, Batu Laut, Tanjung Sepat and back
Rating - doable for santai riders if speed is not an issue.

The Marathon Story - Race day

Malaysia Women Marathon, 7 April 2013, I-City Shah Alam.

It felt pretty surreal as i crossed the gates into the inner sanctum of I-City.  race day had finally arrived and i was going to run that much dreamed about and often dreaded full marathon.  my first ever 42km and to date, the furthest distance i had ever run was a mere 25km.  i sure hope this old body would hold up till the very last km lol.

The chilly morning air only increased my nervousness and in an attempt to shake it off, i chatted up another runner, a pretty young girl who was looking a little lost.  "you running today?" i asked (yup people say the most obvious things dont they lol).  she nodded, and i asked again "what category?" and was rather taken aback when she said "full" (she looked too darn sweet to be doing anything that grueling). then what she said next only increased my nervousness and made me wish i had never said anything in the first place, "its my 15th". Lol, and here i am without even one to my name.

As i rounded the corner, i spied familiar faces.... there at the parking lot suzi & her husband were busy preparing for the race.  somehow the sight of their smiling faces made me feel so much better.  i found out that they had been there the best part of the nite, helping ray sort out the fruits specifically the boxes upon boxes of apples & bananas.  not really knowing my way around i stuck to their side like a leech.

With the girls

When we made our way down to the mwm grandstand, i started bumping into more and more friends.   the air was vibrant with excitement and had the feel of a fiesta lol. surprisingly, my nervousness was slowly dissipating, by then all i wanted to do was to get it over and done with.

Friends were asking me about my pacer and my answer was simple, i just didnt have one.  at the onset, when karen and juney approached me about doing my first full at MWM, we talked about getting a pacer but i didnt really commit myself to the idea.  no, not because i was so confident that i didnt need one, but more bcos i knew myself well enough to know i'd be more stressed out to have someone with me every step of the way.   i guess i've been a solitary runner for far too long.  and, i'm also the type of person who gets pretty darn uncomfortable when i'm out shopping and the salesgirl starts following me around, offering her assistance.  banyak songel la macik nih kannn.... lol, yeah i know.  but having said all that, i knew for a fact that i would be needing all the support & motivation i could get while i'm running the race and in trying to finish it.

And off we go ladies

MWM was flagged off on time.  as i started to run i decided not to go thru with either of my earlier plans; the 10min run 1 min walk or the 2 song run 1 min walk strategy suddenly felt too complicated for me.  it would be much simpler if i just shuffled along as best i could and take walk breaks at the water stations and killer hills.  i wasnt about to let any of my precious energy drain away just to figure out the 10:1 ratio, no sirree lol.... i'd be needing everything i've got to make sure i crossed the finishing line.

One of the many waterstations

Anakmami & gang cheering the runners on

The first 10km was like any of my other runs accept i ran it at a much slower pace. now, with hindsight, i do believe lily's advice of just 'running at the pace of a half'  to hold some merit bcos in the end, we'd be slowing down anyway - start slow and u will end up even slower.  i had by then downed a powergel but by the time i hit the hill right after the kayangan roundabout, the sole of my left foot started to tingle then gradually started to burn. i certainly didnt need a blister so early on in the run and i guess that's how the subuh stopover i made at the sek 13 surau turned out to be a double blessing.  not only was i able to attend to my prayers on time, it also provided my feet with the break it obviously needed.  i actually finished my marathon without blisters or  chaffing.

But then i'm jumping the gun here lol.

A little too dark, a little too lonely

The route between ptpl & msu was a pretty dark & lonely stretch, it would've been much better if there was some sort of checkpoint there.  but we started bumping into the hm runners at the stadium roundabout and by then the sun was also making its presence felt so from that point onwards,  it started to feel like a street party again lol.

I was keeping to my pace, nibbling on my extremely sweet powerbar and taking the rolling hills of shah alam in my stride.  so far so good but still a long way to go.  i hadnt even reached the halfway mark but i was just happy that i was still keeping it all together.  i passed the 22km mark way beyond any decent timing but that wasnt my concern.  i was still up and running (or if u want to get all technical on me, yes it was more of a slow shuffle lol) and so far no pain in any of my joints, blister free, cramp free, no sidestitches.. for me that was all that mattered.

I started to feel the energy drain after the uturn in front of the unisel intersection.  it was during the long slow ascent of the uitm hill that i had my first walk break other than at the water stations.  i also alternated between walking backwards and breaking out into a hiphop dance lol, the music was to catchy to resist. by then i was pass caring about what other people thought.  i was going to do whatever i had to, to finish.

I didnt eat anything before the run accept for my supplements & 2 softboiled eggs.  for the life of me i couldnt even finish a powerbar,  i just ended up nibbling at it all throughout the race.  although i was mindful i needed to eat to keep my energy up, i just couldnt.  back at the McD roundabout, the distance was making itself felt and i was feeling more and more like a wilted daisy.  i quickly swallowed my second gel and plodded on, wishing that the effect would kick in immediately.  that was when i came across the hammer guys.. that was when i had the best drink of my life lol.  and watermelon never, and i repeat, never tasted sooo darn good.

A timely boost

After that i felt better, and ran better.  i reached the 30km tent soon after and that was where they were giving out complimentary powergels and distributing bananas.  now fruits i could  handle and i finished my banana by the time i hit the state mosque roundabout.  as i proceeded to the junction of the pusat seni alquran, i realised i had to turn left instead of going straight ahead.  this was where i had miscalculated the distance bcos when i was checking out the route with golfman, i assumed we would be proceeding onwards to the concode intersection and from there straight back to i-city.  and it was from that point on that the race became mentally challenging for me bcos in my mind, every turn became an extra distance.

I tackled the seksyen 12 hill the same way i did the hill at uitm, by alternating between briskwalking, moving backwards and grooving to the music.  right after the kayangan roundabout was deo's own little water station and i was pretty tempted to turn right and head for home to a nice cool shower lol.  but i kept on going bcos not long after that juney the anakmami would be waiting with her roadside tuckshop and her famous hugs lol.

By then i had bumped into KA and yimster, both having the time of their life 'surrounded' by women lol.  i'd also befriended a sweet young girl who was struggling to keep moving.  what pissed me off to no end was her pacer; he kept leaving her behind.  now arent pacers supposed to be motivating and supporting the runners as best they could?  she was obviously close to giving up and he certainly wasnt doing much about it.

Helping each other along.. run sister run

We ran together for quite a distance but when things were looking better for her, i left her with her pacer. by the time i crested the last hill at seksyen 7, i was on autopilot. whatever happens i was just going to keep moving forward.  i guess after over 6 hours, my energy level was starting to move into 'reserve'.  pretty soon it would reach 'empty'.  and even then i forgot about taking more powergels.  the watermelon, the banana and the consistent intake of fluids was making me feel full but truth of the matter was, my body needed a greater boost if i wanted to run stronger.

And ray kept saying, 'you can do it kak'

When i met up with ray somewhere along the last 2km (bless his soul for keeping his promise to finish the run with me), i was seriously out of juice and running on empty.  i couldnt increase my pace, neither did i have any energy left for the usual mad dash to the finish.  as we turned the corner, my running family (runners from the shah alam pacers) was there waiting to finish the last few meters together with ray & me.  yes, we were indeed a merry lil bunch lol.  and i was so focussed on moving forward that i kept on shuffling even after i crossed the finishing line.  for me if i'd stop, i might not be able to continue moving again.

They waited for me, my cheering squad

And finish i did

The goodie bag collection

When i collected the goodies, congratulations came at me from all directions hehehe.  not only was i happy to finish, so were my friends.  and although my kids didnt share my passion, they were there with a bouquet of flowers to mark my 'graduation'.

The kids sharing mama's joy

After years of pounding the pavement i finally get to call myself a marathoner yayyy ;p

MWM B0339 - 6:41:18.86

To family and friends, you know who you all are, from the bottom of my heart i thank you for your continuous believe and support.  left on my own, i might still be putting it off lol.


Note to self.

1.  2 powergels and half a powerbar wasnt enough.  i should've remembered i did that for my halfmara so i should've at least doubled it for my marathon.  next time, a powergel for every hour on the road.
2. I was hyper aware about the state of my body bcos i wanted to find out for myself about the dreaded 'hitting the wall'.  no, i didnt hit any wall or experienced anything close to it, i just progressively lost my energy...  but then thats probably bcos i didnt really push myself as in 'terjelir lidah sampai kejalan' point so my body didnt rebel or retaliate too much.  point to remember, if i do decide to push myself, be prepared for the wall.
3.  Running with a waterbottle really helped.  but instead of holding it, find a better, more comfortable way to carry it around.
4.  Shoes - skechers prospeed, socks - adidas running, tights - adidas running (commando), sports bra - adidas... and with generous globs of vaseline where necessary.  end result - thank God no blisters, no chaffing.
5.  Again as per halfmara prep - 3 days in advance: oralites 2x/day + glucosamine sulphate 1x/day and hydrate, hydrate, hydrate.
6.  Extras - pre & post full body massage really helped.

The Marathon Story - road to my first 42km

First of all whats this thing with runners and marathons? why so much hoo-ha over that random 42km distance? and in this day & age of ultra modern conveniences, of fast cars and even faster super cars, why the hell would anyone even consider running that distance?

The marathon dates back to ancient greece where Pheidippedes the soldier gave his life to fulfill his duties, and that spirit of heroic running has been kept alive thru the modern olympic games.  bcos it is also an acknowledgement as well as a celebration of the courage & tenacity of the human spirit, to this very day runners everywhere scheme and dream about running that marathon distance.

Me included lol.

Yup, forget about age, level of fitness, appropriateness or whatever.  its just one of those things that needs to be experienced.

I love keeping active and with the kids all grown up, i have the leeway to experiment with a lot of other things apart from running but truth be told, it still holds a special place in my heart.  being the wuss that i am, i have shied away from anything that spells 'unnecessary pain' so i have seldom strayed from my comfort zone or pushed myself beyond my limits.  thus my slow and boring progress lol.  after years of running, i only started doing half marathons in 2011 and although i've always toyed with the idea of doing a full and not to mention the endless stream of encouragement from my running buddies, i've always managed to come up with some pretty legitimate excuses hehehehe.

Until i declared 2013 to be the year of the marathon.  until a friend made it quite impossible for me to chicken out.  until i finally said to myself, enough is enough, this is it.

Malaysia Woman Marathon actually came right out of the blue for me.  i was planning to lose my 'marathon virginity' at SCKLM 2013, which was way out in june and which gave me plenty of time to fool around with lol.  or so i thought.  but God presented me with another option just too good to be ignored.  not only was MWM an inaugral all women run, it was also to be held in shah alam, the place i loved most on this planet.  For a person who grew up without any roots and who has claimed shah alam as her home, running my maiden FM here would mean all that much more to me.

MWM launching & press conference 

I-City, Shah Alam

February 2013

Karen Loh, the heart & soul of MWM 2013

The lovely ladies making up the MWM Team

Press Conference

Ultra ray - he 'sealed' my fate by announcing my participation in the FM

My soon to be partners in crime

So i had to reset my mind and focus on a solid training plan.  instead of 6 months i am now left with 4 but it was still a workable time frame.  i didnt realise i would be going through a couple of major setbacks.

First was an unexpected attack of shingles.  it was bad enough to bring about a change of heart and at one point i had even decided i was just going to do a half marathon during MWM (read about it here & here). second, a challenging period of hormonal instability brought about by my perimenopausal state.  and put together, both collided to turn my world completely upside down.

I guess the realisation that i wouldnt be getting any younger and the high possibility of things going further downhill was what spurred me on.  regardless of whether it would be enough or not, i tried my best to put in whatever training i could muster and during those sparodic days when the grips of fatigue & lethargy left me, i utilised to the fullest.

I closed my ears to that voice in my head when the longest lsd that i could put in was only 25km and even then, only once.

Although it still bothered me, i went ahead with the rest of the pre-race preparation.  topping up on the fluid intake, the oralites, the carbs but truth be told, i was more prepared for my half marathon in 2011 than my full (read about it here & here).

Of course friends and family was supportive and it would have meant the world to me to have golfman around but sadly, he had a prior appointment he couldnt get out off.  golfman will be golfman, enough said.

So to make up for his absence, right after my carbo-loading session eve of the race (by then my appetite had deserted me and i couldnt really eat much), i dragged him along to check out the 42km route.  of course there were no surprises for me.  the route was made up of smaller portions i had covered in my years of solitary & group runs, rolling hills included lol.  but never before have i attempted ALL of them together at one go.

Shah Alam has a lot of roundabouts and at certain points, the route looked quite complicated due to the loops & turns.  i certainly didnt want to get lost in my own backyard but in the wee hours of the morning anything was possible lol.  in fact golfman & i miscalculated the route that nite, we were actually short of about 7km and it was that missing portion which became quite a mental challenge to me during the race.

As is the case with any event, be it a 5k, 8k, 10k or half mara,  sleep was an impossibility but this time, even more so bcos not only was i looking forward to doing a full marathon, i was also dreading it with all my heart.  so i busied myself with the final preparations - clothes, shoes, socks, bars, gels, ipod, waterbottle, small change etc.  and as my mind meandered aimlessly, it was already time to put on the battle gear.  God, never had i put on sooo much vaseline on myself before lol.... but i was thinking better this goey mess than the dreaded chaffing & blisters.  i then realised i hadnt bought anything specific in respect to the marathon that i was attempting. i had actually forgotten all about the existence of the special socks i had read about before, or consider the possible need for compression tights, ankle/knee guards, kinestic tapes etc etc.  i was good for a normal run but definately NOT a marathon.

But it was a tad too late to start thinking about all that and hadnt i already decided that it was going to be a 'lenggang kengkang' marathon (albeit a sadistic twist to the usual 'lenggang kangkung' version lol) for me?

I had been in an anxious state all week so i didnt make any plans to meet up with anyone.  whatever happens will happen anyway so i was on my own when groggy golfman dropped me off at the gates of i-city, 3.15am that fateful sunday morning, 7 April 2013.

Yup, this was it... D-day lol.

Coming up (soon i hope hehehe) The Marathon Story - race day ;-))

A setback

I've always ignorantly thought that shingles or herpes zoster or kayap was in some way related to personal hygiene.  i mistakenly assumed that kayap & kurap came from the same family. that if you're not careful especially when you're stuck in a tropical climate with high humidity like ours, almost perfect conditions for the breeding of fungus & the like, you might just be unlucky enough to get such a thing.

Well, goes to show just how much i know about stuff like that lol.

Imagine my surprise when i was told its actually a manifestation of repressed chicken pox virus rearing its ugly head after staying dormant in your body for years.  and that the triggers include, hitting your 50s or getting overly stressed or having a compromised immune system or worse still, having all three.

I was putting all blame on my premenopausal state... the fatigue, the listlessness, the aches & pain, the temperature fluctuations, the restlessness.  then came the sores, the itch, the blistering pain and back to itch again.  a trip to the doc confirmed that i had shingles.

Shingles/ herpes zoster/ Kayap - more info HERE

Slideshow of images HERE

Surprisingly i was on mc for more than 2 weeks. i never realised that it was a serious thing and that i would be feeling like shit for all that time.  its an extremely irritable & painful condition to be in and most of the time you just want to stay cocoon in your room with the aircond at full blast and with the barest minimum of clothing possible.

It doesnt help that we're going thru some kind of heatwave right now, and the afternoons are crazy hot and the evenings like warrm pudding.

But what irks me most is drowning in this sea of fatigue & lethargic listlessness.  and any attempts at running, cycling, or swimming leaves me tired beyond belief.  and yes, i'm starting to feel 'old'.

I know i'll bounce back, i'll make sure i do... but this time, its going to take longer than usual.

Dilemma

I have declared 2013 as the year of my first marathon.  and my target was clear, my full marathon 'virginity' will be lost at SCKLM 2013 which is scheduled sometime in june (and whose registration will incidentally commence at 6pm today).

A good solid plan with enough time to train and prepare the ole body for the arduous task ahead.

But as usual, life is full of surprises and the unexpected.  it mocks our well laid plans and reminds us that we're never really in control.  who would have thought that 2013 would also mark the launch of a maiden 'all women' running event.  that it would showcase the inaugral malaysia women marathon.

And to make matters even more tempting for me, it'll be held right here in my backyard!!!!!!!!

The question now is, do i have enough time? do i really really have enough time to train, not to set PBs or good timing, but to finish with as little suffering as possible bcos i had taken prudent steps in making sure my body was prepared.

Yup i'm sooo tempted that throwing caution to the wind is starting to sound like a good idea.

But another curve ball thrown my way has helped me make my final decision, one that under the circumstances, i have to accept as the best option.

At best, i had 3 months to train for the MWM which was cutting it rather close but still doable considering my solid running base BUT factor in an unexpected bout of shingles which has been keeping me out of commission for the past 2 weeks (and according to the doc i'm to expect another week of lethargy)...and what does that actually leave me? 7 weeks? for a full marathon?

Heck, i'm not a member of the casket team,  their motto being, no training, period.

I wanna run, i wanna keep running well into my 'older' age... and i wanna do it pain free.  is that possible? i think it is and looking at people like teresa goh gives me hope that i can do it too, god willing.

So with that, i have decided that even though it pains me to say this considering the run has all the things i hold very dear to my heart, i will be doing a half mara at the MWM 2013 and my full marathon at the SCKLM 2013.

Training as planned, thank god :)

Weekend blues

I can feel it, this disassociation from all things painful and complicated.  used to be i almost always super-analised everything, words, thoughts, actions, reactions...  especially my own.  these days, i just shut down.  its enough that i exist. keeping myself sane and stable means more to me than anything else, even confronting the truth and upholding my rights. i dunno, it just takes too much effort.  and from helplessness comes despair.  let somebody else save the world.  and if thats wrong, then might as well shoot me.

Sigh.  Theres just too many things wrong with us, the whole lot of us.  even if i wanted to do something, anything,  i wouldnt even know where to start.

God help us.

Cycling Diary - Fraser's Hill 15/11/2012

Diari Kayuh Seorang Macik

Bagi yang bekerja, cuti umum adalah sesuatu yg dinanti2kan dan bila cuti berturut hari, lagi la best kan hehehe.  baru2 ni cuti deepavali dan awal muharam selang sehari of each other so apa lagi, macam2 plan timbul.  macik & geng macik ended up with a back to back cycling expedition dan secara kebetulan dua2 melibatkan bukit.

Sebelum ni genting sempah & now fraser's hill.

Fraser's Hill, a quiet weekend getaway for stressed out city folks.  also a great place to test one's uphill prowess in cycling.  genting sempah times two... yup twice the distance folks therefore twice the challenge and for a novice macik like me sangat la the challenging uols wahahaha.

Sebenarnya geng macik mendapat invitation dari group cap ayam utk sertai kayuhan sempena launching jersi baru diorang.  event yang sangat meriah and really, theres just something about kayuhan beramai2 yg generate a great feeling of comraderie.

Bersama group cap ayam di KKB

Doa sebelum kayuh

Tips from Yimster

We started our ride from bandar KKB and although the rain kinda messed up the timing, nobody really minded and was just as excited to push off.  alhamdulillah a seasoned rider cautioned us not to push ourselves during the first 5km bcos the real uphill work was actually after the KKB dam.  it wouldnt be a good idea to pancit awal2, maklum la kederat macik x banyak mane pun and sememangnye kena spread out wisely.

Tayar golek from KKB

Double lane highway dekat KKB dam

Then single lane & uphill all the way 

As they say, theres nothing like the luck of the ignorant... macik tatau what awaited me so macik kayuh jer, namun sambil kayuh tu macik dok tertanya2 gak la, "weh bila nak sampai nih?" wahahaha, mana idaknye rasa macam beskal kite tu asyik mendaki je tak abis2.  but then of course its only to be expected bcos fraser's hill IS twice the distance of genting sempah.

In between pelotons

Regrouping points

Attempts to raise the bike seat

Bahagia dalam siksa

Generally, condition jalan fraser's lagi baik dari genting so idak ler terlalu menyiksakan kpd para rb's.  bagi macik kayuhan naek fraser's is all about gritting ur teeth and focusing on reaching the top.  jangan pikir banyak2, just letak kaki kat pedal and kayuh one km after another after another.... its doable as long as you focus.  even that final 8 killer km after the gap is not as bad as its made out to be...memang sangat challenging but then again, still doable.

Meehoon sup break @ the gap

Bersedia untuk attack the killer 8km

And the feeling upon reaching the clock tower? absolutely priceless!!!!!

Setiba di puncak...  absolute relief lol

Happy riders

Bersama group cap ayam di puncak FH

Yup, i did it, i really did it, siap julang beskal lagi hehehehe ;p

Macik oh macik

The break we took at the top of fraser's was longer than necessary tapi ada geng macik yang terpaksa menolak beskal naek the last few km.  demi semangat menakluki bukit fraser mereka gagahkan jugak and by about 4pm, we finally made our way down.  alhamdulillah kali ni macik dah ada skit2 skill melayan selekoh jadi tak la keras & tegak je atas beskal macik tu ekekeke.  and macik tak abis2 bersyukur macik tukar kpd all weather tyres... masa turun tu ujan start balik and walaupun setakat renyai2 masih mencabar utk tyre rb yg kecik & kebotak2an tu.

Menunggu the rest

Akhirnya, all the musangkings

And finally, the descend

And a word of caution to first timers cycling up fraser's hill... do bear in mind that going down isnt totally about descending, the last 5km at the kkb dam will involve cycling uphill again but very minimal.  just dont let it catch u by surprise k ;))

Alhamdulillah sampai kkb in one 'piece' and in the right 'piece' of mind, one that's ready and willing to face the next uphill challenge.... cameron oh cameron here we come weeehooooooo ;))

Selesai sudah alhamdulillah

Detail Kayuhan:
Total distance - 80km +

Total Time - about 7 jam total (plus sessi bergambo, makan2 & menunggu kengkawan)
Weather - redup with intermittent rain
Route - kkb ke gap ke puncak fraser's and back
Rating - doable but be prepared to grit your teeth and just do it lol