Thursday, October 1, 2009


There are those amongst us who literally live for others. they are the ones who are always ready to lend a helping hand and extend comfort. even in the darkest of hours they possess an infinite reservoir of optimism and carry on tirelessly, selflessly. and ironically, with all the 'burden' that is shouldered, they are oddly at peace with the world & themselves.

I so envy them.

Because its not my default. its not instictive to me. i dont act that way without first calculating the odds or the risks.

In a nutshell, saya tidak berjiwa besar. yes, i do aspire to becoming a better person but so far its been an uphill climb.

And in that quest, people like me have to be extra mindful that we are not waylaid by the 'hero syndrome'. instead of peace of mind & fulfillment, what will be waiting is more stress & resentment because that insatiable need to be recognised & needed will keep on driving us to over-extend ourselves.

Unlike those with a natural calling, being a self-made 'hero' is tough and in all honesty, sometimes the 'help' that is extended isnt really all that welcomed.

Case in point is mr J, a family member. he loves being the solver of problems and basks in the warmth of glory & approval. he'll be there for you.. even when you dont need him to. he's so busy being mr hero he sometimes doesnt notice the undercurrents and ends up meddling instead of really helping.

Yesterday he single-handedly orchestraed another boo-boo.

A couple of years back, he was instrumental in causing a major rift between his bros. but being the hero, the blame was somehow conveniently shifted to an unsuspecting sibling and the situation later blew completely out of proportion. feeling guilty of the whole sorry mess, he's been trying his best to mend the rift but has been pretty unsuccessful so far.

Last night he almost did it but instead of the results he was looking for, he actually succeeded in making matters worse.

In the spirit of syawal, he'd arranged for the estranged parties to meet but neither party have actually made direct contact with each other.

Before anything was confirmed, he was already gloating about how things would be alright now that a date had been set. he was euphoric that thru his efforts, everyone would finally bury their hatchets and let bygones be bygones.

Yay, the hero strikes again!!

He didnt bargain on cold feet, cold shoulder.. or maybe plain arrogance?!?


But after preparations were made, the 'guests' didnt turn up and the 'hosts' are now even more disgruntled than before. and at the rate things are going, another meeting would just be an invitation to disaster.

I hope mr. J realises that. just leave it be. jangan keruhkan lagi keadaan so that you can feel good. i know you mean well but go tackle your own problems first. charity should begin at home.

Lord please show us the way and help us all become better people.. amiin.


Oldstock said...


I am touched by this story because there are some parallels with what I'm facing. I've never been one for the hero category but sometimes, when people come to you for help or advice, it is very difficult to say `No'. Doubly difficult when they look up to you because your the eldest.

Perhaps the key is to recognise if any intervention on our part would bring about any good. But then again, if we do not try, we would never know. Hence the need to tread carefully... only that I sometimes do not have the patience.

Hope this raya has been a fulfilling one for you.

justiffa said...

OldStock - i guess ur right, it is difficult to get the balance right. apapun niat tu yg penting :)

Its been a peaceful raya for us and not much time spent on the road.. my other half travels a lot and likes to stay home every chance he's got lol.