Thursday, May 21, 2009

Mimpi ngeri

... a past nightmare, revisited.

When i was a young girl, oh a long long time ago, i discovered a mass that didnt belong, at my left breast. it didnt really mean anything to me until i saw the reaction it had on other people.. especially my dad. i guess he knew what it could signify and i was after all his little girl and he obviously wanted everything to be sugar & spice for me.

He took me around and made me try all sorts of treatment, mostly traditional. i later realised there was a reason to his reluctance in taking me straight to the doctor. He actually dreaded the thought of his anak dara being 'mutilated' by the knives of the surgeons!! surgery was to be the last, most desperate option.

Now you know where i inherited my overactive imagination hehehe.

To cut a long story short, i eventually had the lump removed. it was a simple procedure to begin with but true to his gory expectations, i developed some kind of infection which took eons to clear. suffice to say it left me more than a little traumatized. i was just about to hit 20 and on my own, on account of my divorced parents (i grew up in boarding school and wasnt really with either of them).

Thank god there was no malignancy and even though i've put the experience behind me, i'm ever watchful.. theres nothing to stop the mass (or masses) from recurring, especially since mak herself came down with the big C and had her mastectomy done in 2007.

But now it seems that the dreaded time is again upon me.. as of a fortnight ago i discovered not one but 2 mean little lumps at the same breast. maybe not quite the multiple 'attack' that you had my dear haza but enough to freak me out. it sort of sneaked up on me the little buggers. one moment it was all clear, the next moment they're suddenly there! i do self-exams regularly and the lapse was probably just a month or two.

Anyway, i've set up the first appointment and will be seeing the specialist soon. we'll see what the good doc has to say about it. in the meantime i'm just hoping for the best.

If only i didnt hafta go through this on my own.... again :(

Abe, where are you??!!


Ordinary Superhero said...

Oh...My prayers with you and hope everything is OK.

Justiffa said...

OS - hey ltns :) thx OS, i certainly dont mind the duas thrown my way.. apa nak di kata, ini la dia rencah kehidupan. God's way of keeping us on our toes ;)

chakry said...

my god, aunty. be strong, and stay positive over this! i'll pray for u.

Justiffa said...

chak - thx sweetie :)