Empty Nest

Having a huge part of my duties taken away from me is making me feel a little disoriented, a little unsure and quite frankly, a little worthless.

With the husband away & managing the household on my own, my responsibilities span a broad spectrum. a big chunk of it is about school & keeping an eagle eye on the kids so that they dont mess up their lives too badly or end up making stupid monkeys of themselves.

Now that spm's over and AH's out of school i'm already feeling the difference. this year i DO NOT have to fuss over school uniforms, books or bags, i DO NOT have to suffer the monotony of PTA/PIBG meetings and i DO NOT have to keep track of classes, tuitions & practices. i can now stop planning meetings around her schedule and cancelling appoinments bcos something unexpected happened in school.

With so much taken off my hands, why do i suddenly feel so bereft?

After deliberating over the matter, i've come to realise that maybe i needed the endless activities, the constant demands on my time & attention. maybe i needed to keep busy. after all, nobody in their right mind would actually want to be separated from their other half, for whatever the reason. going about life a broken part of a complete whole isnt fun at all. and problem is, there might even come a time when whatever's broken would remain broken and nothing the king's horses nor the king's men could ever do to mend it again. god forbid that it should ever happen though.

Before long AH too will be off to college, following in the footsteps of her bros. will i then just docilely allow the empty nest sydrome to engulf me? heck, i dont think so!!

Truth be told i'm slowly going crazy here. i sooo need to re-evaluate & redefine myself right now.