This year has certainly proven to be a challenging one for me. its a milestone in my evolution as a woman and every day is a stark reminder that i am aging regardless of what i think or want.
In a life full of ups & downs my body was the only thing safely within my area of control. i could use it or abuse it any which way i wanted, but not anymore. mother nature has a way of reminding us that time is relentless, it moves ahead no matter what and ravages everything in its path. and in the end the only one truly in control is our Maker.
Now while my body struggles to find a new foothold and my erratic hormones scramble to stabilise, i am at my weakest. until such time that i am totally entrenched within my menopause, i should expect such instability to continue. this year alone marks the greatest number of times i have been down with some ailment or other. starting off with acute gastritis, to a serious bout of shingles, to virulent viruses, right down to the common cough & cold. to date i hv exhausted my allowable quota of 15 days for medical leave from private clinics, something which i have never, ever, done before.
Yup, its a time to reflect, reassess and reinvent.
I have always been active, the degree of which varied throughout the phases of my life. interspersed between my early years, launching a career and starting a family, i had to make do with the situation and whenever i had no other option, i turned to reading bcos at the very least, my imagination could still run wild lol.
I love to read, the written word holds a special allure for me. be it fiction or truth, it frees my spirit to wander wherever i chose. sadly these days, i'm starting to stay clear of novels and stories. why? bcos i find myself losing focus and cant seem to sustain the excitement. if before i could finish a book overnite, now it takes me almost forever bcos i keep forgetting the storyline & the characters. so thats why its mostly facts & non-fiction for me. usually self-help, hobbies, interests or the occasional autobiography.
Its the same with movies. almost gone is my ability to enjoy a good dramatic storyline, especially the one that is wrought with conflict. my mind automatically shuts down at any sign of emotional overload. so i put a huge distance between me & movies. instead i seek enlightenment thru nat geo, animal planet, cartoons, sports, news or any of the investigative series. informative, save, relaxing and with minimum drama. Yup, i have a problem with conflict resolution & emotional entanglements.. it stresses me out, big time.
Which leaves me with very few options to occupy myself.
I could eat myself into becoming an oversized blob.
Or sing myself silly.
Or shop till i drop.
Or just lay myself down pretending to be dead.
None of which is the least bit desirable, obviously lol.
Which of course brings me back full circle to the one thing, apart from my children, that makes me happy.... and that is keeping active.
So, here we go again, menopausal or not, lets keep on staying active lol. and even though it'll get a whole lot tougher to do so as the years pile up, from this day forth, i will try my best to share as much of my struggles as i possibly can. bcos by doing so, i will have to confront my own demons and deal with them head on. and bcos maybe, just maybe it'll also help others who are in my shoes ;)